It's 2am - I wake to a door opening as a nurse walks in to get
something. She leaves without shutting the door, leaving a very bright
light shining in my face. Tired and irritated, I wait for a bit,
thinking that someone might shut the door. My back itches - without
thinking, I scratch, accidentally pulling the epidural half way out of
my spine. I look for the remote that calls the nurse which is by Matt. I
try to reach it without waking him, but I manage to just knock it a bit
further away. I try to call Matt's name, but my throat is raw -
another side effect of my hell by the drip. I leave it be and fall
asleep. A nurse will be in soon to take my vitals anyway.
I wake up at about 5am, the bed a bit damp. "Was I sweating again? Why am I so itchy?" I'm uncomfortable. The door is still wide open. Uggh. Nights in hospitals suck.
About 10am the drip is empty. I quietly rejoice inside. I am free. I go to Riley right as soon as it is removed. Matt wheels me down to the NICU. I am not adequately prepared to see my baby with all the tubes, monitors, and eye coverings, his thin body with a sunken breast bone - his tiny buns looking like deflated balloons. His slender fingers tipped with incredibly tiny fingernails.
I Loved Him. I wanted to hold him, but had to ask permission to even touch him. I was told he was doing great and I could hold him in the afternoon.
Matt rolled me back to the room. I took my first shower since before I
had Riley. It felt good, and I washed the days of sweat off along with a
lot of tension and worry. After finally seeing Riley, the only thing
that would have been better would have been being able to stand - but my
scar still hurt. So I sat. Even so, I felt renewed after that shower.
Then I was moved to a new room.
I settled into the new room just in time for two of my friends to visit. Matt went to visit with his friend Jon, who was also in the hospital. Ashley and Teresa brought me some necessities after being in a bed so long and braided my hair. We then went down to the NICU to visit Riley. I got to hold him for the first time. He was so small - I was scared I might break him. He was placed in my arms and it was magic.
I wake up at about 5am, the bed a bit damp. "Was I sweating again? Why am I so itchy?" I'm uncomfortable. The door is still wide open. Uggh. Nights in hospitals suck.
About 10am the drip is empty. I quietly rejoice inside. I am free. I go to Riley right as soon as it is removed. Matt wheels me down to the NICU. I am not adequately prepared to see my baby with all the tubes, monitors, and eye coverings, his thin body with a sunken breast bone - his tiny buns looking like deflated balloons. His slender fingers tipped with incredibly tiny fingernails.
I Loved Him. I wanted to hold him, but had to ask permission to even touch him. I was told he was doing great and I could hold him in the afternoon.
I settled into the new room just in time for two of my friends to visit. Matt went to visit with his friend Jon, who was also in the hospital. Ashley and Teresa brought me some necessities after being in a bed so long and braided my hair. We then went down to the NICU to visit Riley. I got to hold him for the first time. He was so small - I was scared I might break him. He was placed in my arms and it was magic.
Riley was doing so well they moved him to the first step down unit what night. He was two days old.
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